Baseball Crab Racing- Folkie's 6/24

Chimichanga Cheesy Burrito-
Greetings from Casa dos Gatos! It's a gorgeous Monday night, following a beautiful weekend. Went car shopping over the weekend with Biggs, think we got a decent deal. We'll see. Finished reading "No Country For Old Men". The book's as good as the movie. I recommend it highly and imagine you've already read it. A real feel good story!

We were scheduled to be outside tonight, but the weather forecast had a higher chance of rain than two weeks ago and the temperature was in the upper eighties with a feels like in the mid-nineties. Kind of a damned if you do, damned if you don't. So to avoid the rain-in of the 10th, we just went ahead and started inside. A small, but enthusiastic crowd breaks a string of three Natural Sellouts in a row. A few of the big teams take the evening off, leaving some points on the table for some of the others. We're sans SRL, TBS, COF, and FSR, but we've got Team Aftermath in their third race, ending their probationary period. Team Hincky continues a long consecutive race streak and we also have The Screamin' Seamen, Folkie's Fockers, Crustacean Sensations, and the American Pies with us tonite. Julieo is down from The Fort, leading a large group of Unaffiliated Racers, mainly composed of members of the Class of 2004 from MHS.

Steve Schrader is your lovely Host. Ricky the Four Inch Wonder is Behind the Bar. Thursday Night Shane is in the Kitchen and Rhonda is on the floor, SERVING US ALL!!! Once again you can tell by the crack of the bat and the smell of the balls, it's time for-

Baseball Crab Racing-

PreRace:

Rules To Live With And Abide By

Trivia Answers:
1) Seventeen
2) Boston Commons
3) Mount McKinley
4) Illya Kuryakin
5) Cats

National Anthem (fourth verse)
Flag Holder- Miranda (happy birthday to you)

They’re Off and They’re Haulin’ Shell

Preliminaries:
First Half:
1) Winner- #6 Shithead- Team Aftermath (TA)

Starting Lineup

2) Winner- #74 Don't Eat The Clowns, They Taste Funny- Folkie's Fockers (FF)
3) Winner- #90 Bob- Ryan
4) Winner- #22 Cunt Muscle- Julieo
5) Winner- #50 Fuqtard- TA
6) Winner- #55 I'm Only Four Inches But Some Girls Like It That Thick- FF

Seventh Inning Stretch

7) Winner- #88 She Said Fuq Me Silly, So I Put On A Clown Suit- Screamin' Seamen (SS)
8) Winner- #85 You Want A Blow Job? I'll Bet You Do- FF

Halftime:
Some of this.

Second Half (Right back at ya):
9) Winner- #41 Tallywhacker Toucher- Team Hinkey (TH)

Halftime Entries:
Seven of them

10) Winner- #59 Garrett- Maggie
11) Winner- #54 Scuba Steve- TA

The Wave

12) Winner- #92 Proof He Cheated- TA
13) Winner- #71 I'm A Hard Habit To Break- FF
14) Winner- #8 Are These Crayons Edible- TH
15) Winner- #42 My Deadliest Catch- TA
16) Winner- #35 I'm Going To Have To Numb That. Numb Numb Numb Numb Numb- The American Association Of Amateur Gynecologists (AAAG)

Goodbye Losers:

Semifinals:
1) Winner- #50 Fuqtard- Team Aftermath
2) Winner- #59 Garrett- Maggie
3) Winner- #88 She Said Fuq Me Silly, So I Put On A Clown Suit- Screamin' Seamen
4) Winner- #35 I'm Going To Have To Numb That. Numb Numb Numb Numb Numb- The American Association Of Amateur Gynecologists

Some Outstanding Individuals-
Ricky Four Inch- Behind the Bar
Thursday Night Shane- In the Kitchen
Steve Schrader- Your Crab Racing Host
And on the Floor, SERVING US ALL!!! Rhonda.

Finals

Order of Merit:
Fourth Place- Hearty Wave and A Well Done- #35 I'm Going To Have To Numb That. Numb Numb Numb Numb Numb- The American Association Of Amateur Gynecologists
Third Place- A Top Quality Tee Shirt- #50 Fuqtard- Team Aftermath
Second Place- $20 Worth of Folkie’s Bucks (“The next best thing to free”)- #59 Garrett- Maggie
First Place- $30 Worth of Folkie’s Bucks (“Ditto”)- #88 She Said Fuq Me Silly, So I Put On A Clown Suit- Screamin' Seamen

Time:
Plus Two

So there you have it. Another wonderful evening of racing in the friendly confines. Team Aftermath and Folkie's Fockers both send five Crabs to the Semis and the Hinkeys send a couple, But Maggie and the Screamin' Seamen prove the old adage- "it only takes one to win". TA does manage to grab the Third Place Points and the good Doctors from Triple A G get their first point in a long, long time. All four finalists looked very good at the Unsanctioned Races in Decatur on the 20th.

Even with the night off, Sapphire Racing League still holds a commanding seven point lead over the Second Place Pharts. Four points back are the Seamen, who use their win to pull into a tie for Third with Team Hinkey, approximately halfway thru the Season.

The Crabs return to Folkie's on July the 8th. We're going to try to be outside again and will have a Deluxe Edition of the Crab Racing classic- "The Night The Lights Went Out At Folkie's" for the winner of Race Eight. Until Then, he's Sonny Starr.

djjj

New Post Coming!!!

Working on the results from Folkie's on the 24th, be up soon. MHS Class of 2004 was well represented. Thanx to all those guys for coming out!

Crab Racing USA- Folkie's 6/10

Hoy Hoy!!
Greetings from Casa dos Gatos. So here we go. Two posts in one night. I'll try to recall what was a one-of-a-kind evening at Folkie's.

Semi-overcast out on The Patio here at Folksie's. A huge crowd gathers to give us our third consecutive Natural Sellout. The Hincky's are with us this evening, as well as a big bunch of Facial Shotters. Team Aftermath is back and we are again graced with the presence of Tighter Than A Banjo String Racing and their friends from Brazil, Joanna and Isabella. The Crabby's are in the house and way in the back is the Official Folkie's Coed Softball Team, fresh off of another grand effort. Steve's your host. The Amazing Ricky Four Inch is inside behind the Bar. And Rhonda's on the tarmac, SERVING US ALL!!! I'm not liking the looks of them clouds, but here we go, it's-


Crab Racing USA-

PreRace:

Rules To Live With And Abide By

Trivia Answers:
1) Texas
2) Michigan
3) Salem
4) South Dakota
5) Mount Whitney (with Whitney's permission, of course)

National Anthem (fourth verse)
Flag Holder- Teresa

They’re Off and They’re Haulin’ Shell

Preliminaries:
First Half:
1) Winner- #77 Billy The Kid- John (Lottoed Out for #8 Fux Like A Champ)

Starting Lineup

2) Winner- #65 Angie- Sapphire Racing League (SRL)
3) Winner- #71 What The Fu Hell?- Crabby Old Pharts (COF)
4) Winner- #50 Fuqtard- Team Aftermath (TA)
5) Winner- #10 Gatorbate- Tighter Than A Banjo String Racing (TBS)
6) Winner- #35 I Got These Crabs Off Your Mom- COF
7) Winner- #29 Juju- TBS
8) Winner- #88 My Crabs Spread Faster Than These- Team Hinkey (TH)

Halftime:
Some of this (great song. not so much the video). As well as this

Second Half (Right back at ya):
9) Winner- #59 Caligula- SRL

Halftime Entries:
Not Tonite Darlin'

10) Winner- #6 Scuba Steve- TA
11) Winner- #74 Crab Cakes- TH

The Wave

12) Winner- #46 Tallywhacker Toucher- TH
13) Winner- #55 Digger- TA
14) Winner- #4 I'm Only Four Inches, But Some Girls Like It That Thick- Folkie's Fockers (FF)
15) Winner- #90 Screw You- TBS
16) Winner- #11 Fuq 'Em All- Nate

Goodbye Losers:

Semifinals:
1) Winner- #59 Caligula- Sapphire Racing League
2) Winner- #6 Scuba Steve- Team Aftermath
3) Winner- #29 Juju- Tighter Than A Banjo String Racing
4) Winner- #46 Tallywhacker Toucher- Team Hinkey

Finals

Order of Merit:
Fourth Place- A Hearty Wave And A Well Done- #59 Caligula- Sapphire Racing League
Third Place- A High Quality Tee Shirt - #29 Juju- Tighter Than A Banjo String Racing
Second Place- $20- #6 Scuba Steve- Team Aftermath
First Place- $30- #46 Tallywhacker Toucher- Team Hinkey

Time:
Minus Three

So about the time we get started, it starts sprinkling. We get to Race Five it's a little heavier. And by the time we get through Races Seven and Eight, it's coming down. So everybody grabs something and we haul it inside for the Second Half. This constitutes the first Rain-in in Crab Racing History.

Even after all of that, we finish up Minus Three, these are some Professional Racing Crabs. #46 gets his second win in a row, getting the adorable Tallywhacker Toucher her first win. The Flagholder's Luck gets Teresa Second and the also adorable Joanna gets Third for the Banjo Stringers.

The Crabs return to the Friendly Confines on June the 24th. We're scheduled to be on the Patio once again, and I hear there's a 30% chance of showers. Don't miss this! Pick 'em at 7:30, race 'em at 8. See you there!

ciao for nao
djjj

Tuesday Night

Gonna take a short break to take out the trash and I'll be back to put up the results from the 10th in Marion. See ya in a few!

Beers Of The World- Hoagland 6/5

Hoy Hoy!!
Greetings from Casa dos Gatos. Gonna sneak a quick one in before we go tomorrow night. I don't think I've been exceptionally busy lately, just haven't been in the mood to post up. You would think that it wouldn't be that hard to throw down this crap, but sometimes I'm ready to rock and sometimes I'm not. The words are in this misshapen head of mine, it's just hard to squeeze them out sometimes. So let's put it on the juicer and see what comes out.

Stop the presses!! No Sellout in Hoagland tonite. Quite the small crowd for Crabsville USA. Eight Nevers and an Ever on Race Row. Lori and Barb over at the Window table. Sara With No H is on the Row tonite. Dave's your lovely host and Jill-Bob's on the floor, SERVING US ALL!!!. Pay no mind to the music behind the Races, because it's time for-


Beers Of The Worlds Crab Racing-

PreRace:

Rules To Live With And Abide By

Trivia Answers:
1) Margaret Mitchell
2) Python
3) Berlin
4) Monaco
5) Pep O Mint

National Anthem (fourth verse)
Flag Holder- Missed this one

They’re Off and They’re Haulin’ Shell

Preliminaries:
First Half:
1) Winner- #8 Mr. Crabby Pants- Carrie

Starting Lineup

2) Winner- #59 Big Z- Dean
3) Winner- #50 Ninja Crab #2- Sara
4) Winner- #54 Itchy- Barb
5) Winner- #35 Licka The Split- Jill-Bob
6) Winner- #6 Tiger Lily- Bridgette
7) Winner- #46 Well Hung- Michelle
8) Winner- #That's What She Said- Kelly

Halftime:
Some of this (great song. not so much the video). As well as this

Second Half (Right back at ya):
9) Winner- #11 Scooby- Michelle

Halftime Entries:
Aaack! Halftime Crab in Hoagsville!!

10) Winner- #71 Mr. Crabby- Kelly
11) Winner- #69 Ninja Crab- Sara

The Wave

12) Winner- #90 Dumbass- Kevin
13) Winner- #10 Shart- Jake
14) Winner- #88 Just Hangin'- Lori
15) Winner- #95 Damn Bitch- Curt
16) Winner- #19 Porky Pig- Doug

Goodbye Losers:

Semifinals:
1) Winner- #8 Mr. Crabby Pants- Carrie
2) Winner- #88 Just Hangin'- Lori
3) Winner- #46 Well Hung- Michelle
4) Winner- #90 Dumbass- Kevin

Finals

Order of Merit:
Fourth Place- A Hearty Wave And A Well Done- #88 Just Hangin'- Lori
Third Place- T-Shirt- #90 Dumbass- Kevin
Second Place- $15- #8 Mr. Crabby Pants- Carrie
First Place- $25- #46 Well Hung- Michelle

Time:
Plus Five?

Michelle rides #46 to First and grabs a copy of the Deluxe Edition of "The Night The Lights Went Out At Folkie's" to boot. Teresa wraps up Second and Kevin breaks up the distaff sweep by taking Third.

It appears that the Hoagland crowd can rock the Crab Races big or small! What they lacked in numbers they made up with enthusiasm. I can't remember a night in Hoagsville that I didn't come away with a smile. If you haven't been, you just can't imagine. Your next opportunity to experience Crab Racing in southern Allen County will be on July 10th. Just an hour out of Mayberry, it's truly worth the trip. Pick 'em at 7:30, race 'em at 8. See you there!

ciao for nao
djjj

Saturday Night's Alright

Had the pleasure of spending last evening in Decatur with the local Benevolent Protective Order. Not only are they fine, upstanding people in their own rights, they're also impeccable judges of Crabs and their Crab Racing Potential (CRP). For those of you keeping score at home, numbers 10, 50, & 59 looked strong, but I'm just a DJ, so you never really know.

We'll be back on the Patio at Folkie's next Wednesday, rain or shine (just kidding). I'll try to get the last Hoagland Race posted as well as details of our first Rain-in before then.

Thanx again to all you Decaturites, and until then, he's Sonny Starr!

djjj

A Little Chingon

Intro From "The Night Lights Went Out At Folkie's"